HOTLINE

In this world of computer tech and AI, some days I just wish for an old fashioned hotline. Just a plain, direct, simple link where I can actually speak to a human being.

I’m not trying to avert an international crisis, but after spending hours on the phone, on hold, listening to all the bots loop the same scripted lines, over and over, I find myself craving the most basic luxury – a real conversation with a real person.

When I was young (young-er), I used to dial the radio hotline, to request a song or to try my luck in a competition. Back then, the DJ would answer the phone direct and for a teenager, speaking to this mini type celebrity, it was pretty cool. It was easy and immediate.

That’s the thing with telephone bots, they’re not direct, they are trying their hardest to not connect you to anyone. They just send me round and round the mulberry bush, until I’m dizzy with frustration.

I mean, the President of the United States has a hotline – a real one – that connects them straight to other world leaders and security officials etc. What it allows is for a personal exchange to ensure misunderstandings are prevented. I feel being the president, that this definitely is a good thing to have……….. and on some days, I want one too.

There are days, I wish I had a hotline to my Dad in heaven, just to say hi, or ask his advice on something, or just to get through direct to him to tell him I love him. A direct line, no hold music, no bots.

Don’t get me started on the hold music. This is a whole experience in itself – loud enough to scare the dog, but catchy enough to stick in my head and haunt me for the rest of the day.

Imagine having a hotline to God! Yes, we do through prayer ultimately, but, wow, calling him up and getting him direct on the line and having him sort it out pronto, well that would be something.

I’m not ‘all against’ AI bots. Olive the chatbot on the Woolworths supermarket live chat, is an absolute gem. This cutie patootie virtual assistant is impressive. I order groceries online nowadays and inevitably, it can be common for the human packing my order to make an error.

I can hop onto the chat with superstar Olive and with minimum fuss I can sort out a refund. I feel an affinity towards Olive, she doesn’t muck me around, she asks direct questions and most importantly, she solves the issue. Nothing to complain about here. I feel Olive is my friend. She restores my faith in the robot uprising.

Anyway, that’s my two cents — now I’m curious: what’s your best (or worst!) bot moment?

*Image by macrovector on Freepik